Dear Reader,
After reading (and re-reading) some of the recent comments regarding the post, "What's Going on Here?" I thought that I would really like to clear a few things up. I believe my words may have been misinterpreted from the way I meant to express them.
First of all I'd like to say that I really do appreciate the honesty of your comments. But I guess I just didn't realize that people really are reading this stuff that I post! Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the feedback I get when people do read Me laid out in these posts. And I know that this is the internet, a place where I share my thoughts with whoever may find interest here. Public. From the start I have said that I do like to write and I think it would be beneficial for me to put myself out there so that I can be refined. As I have also said, I still have so much to learn and I know that I am still growing up and haven't got it all figured out. From the start I intended for this blog to be a place where I could vent, journal, create, and express myself. But I think that I may have been a little too raw with this one.
When I wrote this post, I was not searching for any kind of pity, comfort, or sympathy. I did not think, as I wrote, that my life was so terrible as I seem to have portrayed. In fact, I quite enjoy my life! I am well aware that I am extremely fortunate and that I have a lot of things that make my life easier that I don't deserve any more than the next person. I often tell my husband how when I was a little girl I had in mind very clearly what I wanted in life. I honestly did not expect that these dreams would come true and so early in my life. I would not trade this for the world or even great health! I already have what so many people never have the chance to experience. That's incredible to me. I am amazed every day. We've got the best cat (so I consider us a family, and if you know Monster you would understand why!), an awesome, lovely new two-bedroom apartment, cars that we are happy and satisfied with and still so much more! But even more than all of that, I am so eternally grateful to know that I've got the love of my talented and amazing husband, my wonderful family, and my faithful friends. And with that I also have the opportunity to give back and love them forever. As far as I am concerned, that's what life is really all about: love.
I may have neglected to mention this in the post, but I do understand that things could be a lot worse in perspective for my health. The post was written during a rough MOMENT in time, in my life. Just simply a moment in which I felt the need to write (post) in such a way to express myself. I use writing as a tool to combat whatever self-piteous thoughts that may arise. Most of the time I choose NOT to wallow in such emotions but instead to write them out, to purge them from within me so that I will not hang onto them any longer.
In keeping with this honesty I will admit that certain events, even beyond health issues, have sorely affected my faith in a higher power. There are many things that I have believed for a very long time, even most of my life, that I do not believe. I am sure that this will come as a surprise to some and will stir up more opinions and comments. But basically this is just where I am at right now. As I said, I know that I am still young and have a lot to learn and I plan on living a full life that will allow time for me to stop and re-evaluate like this. To reconsider. To rediscover. Or even to begin anew. I've decided that I will not claim devotion to anything unless I know that I can fully devote my heart and soul without excuse or question. I am still just trying to figure myself out and I don't want to just go-with-the-flow. I want to be me for me through and through. I believe that I will have so much more to give as I learn to become genuine - the genuine me.
So, in conclusion, I'll tell you that my life is by no means over, regardless if my post made it seem like that is what I was thinking at the time. Life can be harder than I might want it to be at times, but I know, yes, everyone goes through that! But I will choose not be crushed. I will learn - even if its the 'hard way.' And when I do feel like my health is slowing me down, please rest assured that I am and will still be clinging on to this life (with all of my limbs!), doing the best I can. I sincerely hope that this letter clears up some things that I may have confused in my previous writing. I still want to hear what you think from here on and I thank you for your loving thoughts and heart-felt comments. I am also grateful that you do read my blog and in the future I hope to express myself, my words, and my meaning more clearly.
With all my heart,
-Jess
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5 comments:
Love, for the Day is Near
~Romans 13:8-10~
Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
You got it: perhaps the "meaning of life" is to love... perhaps that is not the ends but the means...
I appreciate your posting vulnerably, and encourage you to continue to do so. Quest on!
ps> please see my quote on "A Wise Man Once Said..." because it pertains to that 'Learning the hard way' thing you are so into right now... but also know that it was not created with you in mind.
Pure coincidence.
Jess,
Hi Jess...Auntie Sherry here.
I hope you do find the "genuine you." I am questioning myself as to how I could have been so far off on what you meant, after reading your newest post.
As for me, I will no longer read this blog...as it is dangerous to MY health (getting me all worried about you, only to find out, ah, it was nothing, just a mis-communication)! I am unsubscribing myself.
You take good care and I will chat with you soon.
Love to you,
me
Interesting. Knowing you like I do, and reading how people have reacted to your most recent posts, I can understand both perspectives.
You may be writing your thoughts, as if you were writing in a journal, but instead, you are revealing your thoughts on a public forum. Therefore, you may be receiving feedback that you had not have expected. So be careful in what you reveal in public if you are not prepared for the reactions you may receive.
We all have bad days, dark days, sad days and 'woe-is-me' days. We all have, have had, and will have drama in our lives that will seem extreme in the moment. And somehow we get through it. I call it LIFE.
Maybe you were having one of those days. What is most important, is how you are able to get yourself out of the moment. Find the good. Believe in the good. Spend more time on things that generate positive energy than on the negative.
LIFE is what you make it.
LIVE LIFE! I love you!
Awwwww Ging I love you!!!!! You are the best! I want to thank you for everything you did for me while I was in the academy! I really look up to you because you have such a open mind about everything!! I love your comment's on here because you are so positive and uplifting! I really want to make a trip up to the bay area and see you and Pat...and Jess, Tim, and BIG PATRICK!!
I always smile when I think about the few talks we had during the academy when I would sleep in the living room and we would tell stories to each other and laugh. I have to say your a great auntie and I love you!!!!
Woah. Dude. I get the same thing...people reacting in ways like, "Ohmigosh, i have the number for the suicide line! Sounds like you need it!" And I'm like, this is my blog where I express my sad times.....when I'm happy and feeling hot I'm hanging out with all of my friends and family chopin' it up with them, I don't need to sqeeze out morose words onto a blog to get out my feelings. Which is where the misunderstandings can come....
Yea, I feel ya girl. I have felt the pull and weightiness of depression more in my life since my mom died that I ever have before. Ever. I feel the "I don't want to get out of bed." The "picking up that sock and putting it in the hamper is too much for me right now..." Yea, it's pathetic, but that's a feeling and there's nothing wrong with expressing it and then moving on with your life. So keep writing and journaling.
Maybe you can start another blog that is for journaling the sad and depressing things when you feel like you need to, one that is more private and keep Insightfully Creative for creative and insightfull articles.
Anyway, I love you a ton! I beleive in you and I support you! And I will read your blog b/c I want to know your heart, no matter what is going on inside of it!
MWAAAH! XOXO
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