Alone in a Crowd

I know there are a lot of people all around me, but sometimes I feel alone in a crowd. Like I'm sitting here in this room, but I don't know these people and they don't know me. We're all here for the same purpose, but we're all here for different reasons. We're all looking for something, but we won't tell anyone what it is. I secretly hope someone will notice and will want to look for the same things with me. I want to find someone who totally understands, who knows what its like, who doesn't judge me. I have this hope that I can't extinguish that it is possible I will find someone like this. Like that person is really out there. Could the person I long to find be right here in this very room? It's possible, I tell myself with little hope. But I dare not ask. I dare not put my heart on my sleeve because I remember what happened when I tried that before. I have no strength left to endure that kind of pain. So if that person is here, I hope that whoever it is will approach me, put their heart out to risk the things only a heart can know. Well, I know this wouldn't happen. I know that probably everyone here has a story like mine of how they've been hurt in their past so I cannot expect any more from anyone else. We're all the same. It's just that no one says anything about it. It's too hard to make the first move, to make that first impression, to be the one to give first. Still, we all know there is a choice we have to make: Will I share my heart, my life, with this stranger? Or will I walk on by, telling myself that I don't need anyone else? It's a choice! Looking around this room full of strangers, I wonder what kind of choice I will make. Will I even try?

Sometimes I think it is possible that there might be better things ahead, that there really is another person out there looking for the same things I am. I suppose I am the one being judgemental if I am hoping for that someone to find me. Love is blind, as they say, so when I find this person I'm looking for I can't hang on to this hurt anymore. I can't blame this person for things that someone else did that broke my heart. I know I'll never find the person I'm looking for if I keep pushing everyone away because of the pain I still feel from past relationships. What kind of relationships? What kind of person am I looking for? Well, I think you know. We're all looking for this kind of person. I'm looking for a true friend. A best friend. A person with whom I can create a bond that could potentially last a lifetime! So as I sit here alone, surrounded by all these people, I will think of them like flower buds. I've never tried to initiate, but maybe if I do today they will open up to become the bright, glorious beings they were created to be. Maybe I am just a bud as well. Maybe I haven't been completely crushed. I just wilted. Now here is my chance to look to the sun once again. I think I will stand up and walk into this crowd. I will put my heart out again in hopes that this time it will not be crushed. I will go and be a friend. I will initiate, I will ask questions, and I will not judge. I've always heard that you have to be a friend to have a friend. It works both ways. Maybe this time will be different. Better. Beautiful.